January 8, 2014
I think about my older brother a lot. We haven’t seen each other in almost eighteen years. It’s a long story i’m not ready to share yet. Maybe never. I’ve been thinking about him more lately, wishing he were here so badly. There have been days when all I wanted was a big hug from him.The last time we spoke over the phone was in 2012. Before that was in 2004 (a few months before I got married), and before that was in 1993! Needless to say our last conversation was a huge sigh of relief and comfort to know that he is indeed still alive and well. We are finally back in touch and on the route to mending our broken ties. The only problem is he lives too far. So far that I would have to jump on a plane to see him, and I don’t have money for a plane ticket right now. I can only hope that if he ever comes back home to visit, he will call me. I’d like to think that he will, but ya just never know. He’s a guy. I get it.
What if he did though? What if one day, out of nowhere, he called me and said, “Hey I’m in town for the week and was wondering if you wanna have lunch before I go back home?” That would make my year. “Yes, of course!” I would say. Without a doubt. All I ever wanted was to be his sister. To be there for him. I wasn’t there for him though. We weren’t there for each other when we both needed it the most. He’s a guy who was dealt a tough hand in the game of life. We both were. Mine was just easier to beat because I had more support. We have different Mothers you see. And when my parents split up, he went with our Dad, and I went with my Mom. That was heartbreaking. But what could I do? Nada.
We were two peas in a pod at one point when we were kids. He was (and still is) my big brother that I looked up to. Maybe one day he will let me be his sister again. I’m ready and waiting for that day. Maybe one day he will finally understand that, YES, his sister will always be ready with open arms to greet him. Not only with open arms, but without judgment. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows how much I love him. He has to! Right?! I think he does. He’s a guy though. And it has been my experience that guys DO NOT get women, not even their sisters. Well, maybe some do.
For now at least I can hope that when I say, “I love you Brother,” he will feel loved and know that I wish for nothing but great blessing for him in this new year.
That’s all for now.